From: Subject: Medieval Sourcebook: The Life of Mary of Egypt Date: Tue, 10 Oct 2006 14:26:02 -0500 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/html; charset="Windows-1252" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Content-Location: http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/basis/maryegypt.html X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2900.2962 Medieval Sourcebook: The Life of Mary of = Egypt

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Medieval Sourcebook:
The Life of our Holy Mother Mary of = Egypt

(From The Great Canon, the Work of Saint Andrew of Crete, = Holy=20 Trinity Monastery, Jordanville, NY, USA)

"It is good to hide the secret of a king, but it is glorious to = reveal and=20 preach the works of God" (Tobit 12:7) So said the Archangel = Raphael to=20 Tobit when he performed the wonderful healing of his blindness. = Actually, not to=20 keep the secret of a king is perilous and a terrible risk, but to be = silent=20 about the works of God is a great loss for the soul. And I (says St.=20 Saphronius), in writing the life of St. Mary of Egypt, am afraid to hide = the=20 works of God by silence. Remembering the misfortune threatened to the = servant=20 who hid his God-given talent in the earth (Mat. 25:18-25), I am = bound to=20 pass on the holy account that has reached me. And let no one think = (continues=20 St. Saphronius) that I have had the audacity to write untruth or doubt = this=20 great marvel --may I never lie about holy things! If there do happen to = be=20 people who, after reading this record, do not believe it, may the Lord = have=20 mercy on them because, reflecting on the weakness of human nature, they = consider=20 impossible these wonderful things accomplished by holy people. But now = we must=20 begin to tell this most amazing story, which has taken place in our = generation.=20

There was a certain elder in one of the monasteries of Palestine, a = priest of=20 the holy life and speech, who from childhood had been brought up in = monastic=20 ways and customs. This elder's name was Zosimas. He had been through the = whole=20 course of the ascetic life and in everything he adhered to the rule once = given=20 to him by his tutors as regard spiritual labours. he had also added a = good deal=20 himself whilst labouring to subject his flesh to the will of the spirit. = And he=20 had not failed in his aim. He was so renowned for his spiritual life = that many=20 came to him from neighboring monasteries and some even from afar. While = doing=20 all this, he never ceased to study the Divine Scriptures. Whether = resting,=20 standing, working or eating food (if the scraps he nibbled could be = called=20 food), he incessantly and constantly had a single aim: always to sing of = God,=20 and to practice the teaching of the Divine Scriptures. Zosimas used to = relate=20 how, as soon as he was taken from his mother's breast, he was handed = over to the=20 monastery where he went through his training as an ascetic till he = reached the=20 age of 53. After that, he began to be tormented with the thought that he = was=20 perfect in everything and needed no instruction from anyone, saying to = himself=20 mentally, "Is there a monk on earth who can be of use to me and show = me a=20 kind of asceticism that I have not accomplished? Is there a man to be = found in=20 the desert who has surpassed me?"=20

Thus thought the elder, when suddenly an angel appeared to him and = said:=20

"Zosimas, valiantly have you struggled, as far as this is within = the power=20 of man, valiantly have you gone through the ascetic course. But there is = no man=20 who has attained perfection. Before you lie unknown struggles greater = than those=20 you have already accomplished. That you may know how many other ways = lead to=20 salvation, leave your native land like the renowned patriarch Abraham = and go to=20 the monastery by the River Jordan."=20

Zosimas did as he was told. he left the monastery in which he had = lived from=20 childhood, and went to the River Jordan. At last he reached the = community to=20 which God had sent him. Having knocked at the door of the monastery, he = told the=20 monk who was the porter who he was; and the porter told the abbot. On = being=20 admitted to the abbot's presence, Zosimas made the usual monastic = prostration=20 and prayer. Seeing that he was a monk the abbot asked:=20

"Where do you come from, brother, and why have you come to us poor = old=20 men?"=20

Zosimas replied:=20

"There is no need to speak about where I have come from, but I = have come,=20 father, seeking spiritual profit, for I have heard great things about = your skill=20 in leading souls to God."=20

"Brother," the abbot said to him, "Only God can heal the = infirmity=20 of the soul. May He teach you and us His divine ways and guide us. But = as it is=20 the love of Christ that has moved you to visit us poor old men, then = stay with=20 us, if that is why you have come. May the Good Shepherd Who laid down = His life=20 for our salvation fill us all with the grace of the Holy Spirit."=20

After this, Zosimas bowed to the abbot, asked for his prayers and = blessing,=20 and stayed in the monastery. There he saw elders proficient both in = action and=20 the contemplation of God, aflame in spirit, working for the Lord. They = sang=20 incessantly, they stood in prayer all night, work was ever in their = hands and=20 psalms on their lips. Never an idle word was heard among them, they know = nothing=20 about acquiring temporal goods or the cares of life. But they had one = desire --=20 to become in body like corpses. Their constant food was the Word of God, = and=20 they sustained their bodies on bread and water, as much as their love = for God=20 allowed them Seeing this, Zosimas was greatly edified and prepared for = the=20 struggle that lay before him.=20

Many days passed and the time drew near when all Christians fast and = prepare=20 themselves to worship the Divine Passion and Ressurection of Christ. The = monastery gates were kept always locked and only opened when one of the=20 community was sent out on some errand. It was a desert place, not only = unvisited=20 by people of the world but even unknown to them.=20

There was a rule in that monastery which was the reason why God = brought=20 Zosimas there. At the beginning of the Great Fast [on Forgiveness = Sunday] the=20 priest celebrated the holy Liturgy and all partook of the holy body and = blood of=20 Christ. After the Liturgy they went to the refectory and would eat a = little=20 lenten food.=20

Then all gathered in church, and after praying earnestly with = prostrations,=20 the elders kissed one another and asked forgiveness. And each made a = prostration=20 to the abbot and asked his blessing and prayers for the struggle that = lay before=20 them. After this, the gates of the monastery were thrown open, and = singing, "The=20 Lord is my light and my Savior; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the = defender of=20 my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" (Psalm 26:1) and the rest of = that=20 psalm, all went out into the desert and crossed the River Jordan. Only = one or=20 two brothers were left in the monastery, not to guard the property (for = there=20 was nothing to rob), but so as not to leave the church without Divine = Service.=20 Each took with him as much as he could or wanted in the way of food, = according=20 to the needs of his body: one would take a little bread, another some = figs,=20 another dates or wheat soaked in water. And some took nothing but their = own body=20 covered with rags and fed when nature forced them to it on the plants = that grew=20 in the desert.=20

After crossing the Jordan, they all scattered far and wide in = different=20 directions. And this was the rule of life they had, and which they all = observed=20 -- neither to talk to one another, nor to know how each one lived and = fasted. If=20 they did happen to catch sight of one another, they went to another part = of the=20 country, living alone and always singing to God, and at a definite time = eating a=20 very small quantity of food. In this way they spent the whole of the = fast and=20 used to return to the monastery a week before the Resurrection of = Christ, on=20 Palm Sunday. Each one returned having his own conscience as the witness = of his=20 labour, and no one asked another how he had spent his time in the = desert. Such=20 were rules of the monastery. Everyone of them whilst in the desert = struggled=20 with himself before the Judge of the struggle -- God -- not seeking to = please=20 men and fast before the eyes of all. For what is done for the sake of = men, to=20 win praise and honour, is not only useless to the one who does it but = sometimes=20 the cause of great punishment.=20

Zosimas did the same as all. And he went far, far into the desert = with a=20 secret hope of finding some father who might be living there and who = might be=20 able to satisfy his thirst and longing. And he wandered on tireless, as = if=20 hurrying on to some definite place. He had already waled for 20 days and = when=20 the 6th hour came he stopped and, turning to the East, he began to sing = the=20 sixth Hour and recite the customary prayers. He used to break his = journey thus=20 at fixed hours of the day to rest a little, to chant psalms standing and = to pray=20 on bent knees.=20

And as he sang thus without turning his eyes from the heavens, he = suddenly=20 saw to the right of the hillock on which he stood the semblance of a = human body.=20 At first he was confused thinking he beheld a vision of the devil, and = even=20 started with fear. But, having guarded himself with he sign of the Cross = and=20 banished all fear, he turned his gaze in that direction and in truth saw = some=20 form gliding southwards. It was naked, the skin dark as if burned up by = the heat=20 of the sun; the hair on its head was white as a fleece, and not long, = falling=20 just below its neck. Zosimas was so overjoyed at beholding a human form = that he=20 ran after it in pursuit, but re form fled from him. He followed. At = length, when=20 he was near enough to be heard, he shouted:=20

"Why do you run from an old man and a sinner? Slave of the True = God, wait=20 for me, whoever you are, in God's name I tell you, for the love of God = for Whose=20 sake you are living in the desert."=20

"Forgive me for God's sake, but I cannot turn towards you and show = you my=20 face, Abba Zosimas. For I am a woman and naked as you see with the = uncovered=20 shame of my body. But if you would like to fulfil one wish of a sinful = woman,=20 throw me your cloak so that I can cover my body and can turn to you and = ask for=20 your blessing."=20

Here terror seized Zosimas, for he heard that she called him by name. = But he=20 realized that she could not have done so without knowing anything of him = if she=20 had not had the power of spiritual insight.=20

He at once did as he was asked. He took off his old, tattered cloak = and threw=20 it to her, turning away as he did so. she picked it up and was able to = cover at=20 least a part of her body. The she turned to Zosimas and said:=20

"Why did you wish, Abba Zosimas, to see a sinful woman? What do = you wish=20 to hear or learn from me, you who have not shrunk from such great=20 struggles?"=20

Zosimas threw himself on the ground and asked for her blessing. She = likewise=20 bowed down before him. And thus they lay on the ground prostrate asking = for each=20 other's blessing. And one word alone could be heard from both: "Bless = me!" After a long while the woman said to Zosimas:=20

"Abba Zosimas, it is you who must give blessing and pray. You are=20 dignified by the order of priesthood and for may years you have been = standing=20 before the holy altar and offering the sacrifice of the Divine = Mysteries."=20

This flung Zosimas into even greater terror. At length with tears he = said to=20 her:=20

"O mother, filled with he spirit, by your mode of life it is = evident that=20 you live with God and have died to the world. The Grace granted to you = is=20 apparent -- for you have called me by name and recognized that I am a = priest,=20 though you have never seen me before. Grace is recognized not by one's = orders,=20 but by gifts of the Spirit, so give me your blessing for God's sake, for = I need=20 your prayers."=20

Then giving way before the wish of the elder the woman said:=20

"Blessed is God Who cares for the salvation of men and their = souls."=20

Zosimas answered:=20

"Amen."=20

And both rose to their feet. Then the woman asked the elder:=20

"Why have you come, man of God, to me who am so sinful? Why do you = wish to=20 see a woman naked an devoid of every virtue? Though I know one thing -- = the=20 Grace of the Holy Spirit has brought you to render me a service in time. = Tell=20 me, father, how are the Christian peoples living? And the kings? How is = the=20 Church guided?"=20

Zosimas said:=20

"By your prayers, mother, Christ has granted lasting peace to all. = But=20 fulfill the unworthy petition of an old man and pray for the whole world = and for=20 me who am a sinner, so that my wanderings in the desert may not be=20 fruitless."=20

She answered:=20

"You who are a priest, Abba Zosimas, it is you who must pray for = me and=20 for all -- for this is your calling. But as we must all be obedient, I = will=20 gladly do what you ask."=20

And with these words she turned to the East, and raising her eyes to = heaven=20 and stretching out her hands, she began to pray in a whisper. One could = not hear=20 separate words, so that Zosimas could not understand anything that she = said in=20 her prayers. Meanwhile he stood, according to his own word, all in a = flutter,=20 looking at the ground without saying a word. And he swore, calling God = to=20 witness, that when at length he thought that her prayer was very long, = he took=20 his eyes off the ground and saw that she was raised bout a forearm's = distance=20 from the ground and stood praying in the air. When he saw this, even = greater=20 terror seized him and he fell on the ground weeping and repeating may = times,=20 "Lord have mercy."=20

And whilst lying prostrate on the ground he was tempted by a thought: = Is it=20 not a spirit, and perhaps her prayer is hypocrisy. But at the very same = moment=20 the woman turned round, raised the elder from the ground and said:=20

"Why do thought confuse you, Abba, and tempt you about me, as if I = were a=20 spirit and a dissember in prayer? Know, holy father, that I am only a = sinful=20 woman, though I am guarded by Holy baptism. And I am no spirit but earth = and=20 ashes, and flesh alone."=20

And with these words she guarded herself with the sign of the Cross = on her=20 forehead, eyes, mouth and breast, saying:=20

"May God defend us from the evil one and from his designs, for = fierce is=20 his struggle against us."=20

Hearing and seeing this, the elder fell to the ground and, embracing = her=20 feet, he said with tears:=20

"I beg you, by the Name of Christ our God, Who was born of a = Virgin, for=20 Whose sake you have stripped yourself, for Whose sake you have exhausted = your=20 flesh, do not hide from your slave, who you are and whence and how you = came into=20 this desert. Tell me everything so that the marvellous works of God may = become=20 known. A hidden wisdom and a secret treasure -- what profit is there in = them?=20 Tell me all, I implore you. for not out of vanity or for self-display = will you=20 speak but to reveal the truth to me, an unworthy sinner. I believe in = God, for=20 whom you live and whom you serve. I believe that He led me into this = desert so=20 as to show me His ways in regard to you. It is not in our power to = resist the=20 plans of God. If it were not the will of God that you and you r life = would be=20 known, He would not have allowed be to see you and would not have = strengthened=20 me to undertake this journey, one like me who never before dared to = leave his=20 cell."=20

Much more said Abba Zosimas. But the woman raised him and said:=20

"I am ashamed, Abba, to speak to you of my disgraceful life, = forgive me=20 for God's sake! But as you have already seen my naked body I shall = likewise lay=20 bare before you my work, so that you may know with what shame and = obscenity my=20 soul is filled. I was not running away out of vanity, as you thought, = for what=20 have I to be proud of -- I who was the chosen vessel of the devil? But = when I=20 start my story you will run from me, as from a snake, for your ears will = not be=20 able to bear the vileness of my actions. But I shall tell you all = without hiding=20 anything, only imploring you first of all to pray incessantly for me, so = that I=20 may find mercy on the day of Judgment."=20

The elder wept and the woman began her story.=20

"My native land, holy father, was Egypt. Already during the = lifetime of my=20 parents, when I was twelve years old, I renounced their love and went to = Alexandria. I am ashamed to recall how there I at first ruined my = maidenhood and=20 then unrestrainedly and insatiably gave myself up to sensuality It is = more=20 becoming to speak of this briefly, so that you may just know my passion = and my=20 lechery. for about seventeen years, forgive me, I lived like that. I was = like a=20 fire of public debauch. And it was not for the sake of gain -- here I = speak the=20 pure truth. Often when they wished to pay me, I refused the money. I = acted in=20 this way so as to make as many men as possible to try to obtain me, = doing free=20 of charge what gave me pleasure. do not think that I was rich and that = was the=20 reason why I did not take money. I lived by begging, often by spinning = flax, but=20 I had an insatiable desire and an irrepressible passion for lying in = filth. This=20 was life to me. Every kind of abuse of nature I regarded as life.=20

That is how I lived. Then one summer I saw a large crowd of Lybians = and=20 Egyptians running towards the sea. I asked one of them, `Where are = these men=20 hurrying to?' He replied, `They are all going to Jerusalem for = the=20 Exaltation of the Precious and Lifegiving Cross, which takes place in a = few=20 days.' I said to him, `Will they take me with them if I wish to = go?' `No=20 one will hinder you if you have money to pay for the journey and for = food.'=20 And I said to him, `To tell you truth, I have no money, neither = have I=20 food. But I shall go with them and shall go aboard. And they shall feed = me,=20 whether they want to or not. I have a body -- they shall take it instead = of pay=20 for the journey.' I was suddenly filled with a desire to go, Abba, to = have=20 more lovers who could satisfy my passion. I told you, Abba Zosimas, not = to force=20 me to tell you of my disgrace. God is my witness, I am afraid of = defiling you=20 and the very air with my words."=20

Zosimas, weeping, replied to her:=20

"Speak on for God's sake, mother, speak and do not break the = thread of=20 such an edifying tale."=20

And, resuming her story, she went on:=20

"That youth, on hearing my shameless words, laughed and went off. = While I,=20 throwing away my spinning wheel, ran off towards the sea in the = direction which=20 everyone seemed to be taking. and, seeing some young men standing on the = shore,=20 about ten or more of them, full of vigour and alert in their movements, = I=20 decided that they would do for my purpose (it seemed that some of them = were=20 waiting for more travellers whilst others had gone ashore). Shamelessly, = as=20 usual, I mixed with the crowd, saying, `Take me with you to the = place you=20 are going to; you will not find me superfluous.' I also added a few = more=20 words calling forth general laughter. Seeing my readiness to be = shameless, they=20 readily took me aboard the boat. Those who were expected came also, and = we set=20 sail at once.=20

How shall I relate to you what happened after this? Whose tongue can = tell,=20 whose ears can take in all that took place on the boat during that = voyage! And=20 to all this I frequently forced those miserable youths even against = their own=20 will. There is no mentionable or unmentionable depravity of which I was = not=20 their teacher. I am amazed, Abba, how the sea stood our licentiousness, = how the=20 earth did not open its jaws, and how it was that hell did not swallow me = alive,=20 when I had entangled in my net so many souls. But I think God was = seeking my=20 repentance. For He does not desire the death of a sinner but = magnanimously=20 awaits his return to Him. At last we arrived in Jerusalem. I spent the = days=20 before the festival in the town, living the save kind of life, perhaps = even=20 worse. I was not content with the youths I had seduced at sea and who = had helped=20 be to get to Jerusalem; many others -- citizens of the town and = foreigners -- I=20 also seduced.=20

The holy day of the Exaltation of the Cross dawned while I was still = flying=20 about -- hunting for youths. At daybreak I saw that everyone was = hurrying to the=20 church, so I ran with the rest. When the hour for the holy elevation = approached,=20 I was trying to make my way in with the crowd which was struggling to = get=20 through the church doors. I ad at last squeezed through with great = difficulty=20 almost to the entrance of the temple, from which the lifegiving Tree of = the=20 Cross was being shown to the people. But when I trod on the doorstep = which=20 everyone passed, I was stopped by some force which prevented by = entering.=20 Meanwhile I was brushed aside by the crowd and found myself standing = alone in=20 the porch. Thinking that this had happened because of my woman's = weakness, I=20 again began to work my way into the crowd, trying to elbow myself = forward. But=20 in vain I struggled. Again my feet trod on the doorstep over which = others were=20 entering the church without encountering any obstacle. I alone seemed to = remain=20 unaccepted by the church. It was as if there was a detachment of = soldiers=20 standing there to oppose my entrance. Once again I was excluded by the = same=20 mighty force and again I stood in the porch.=20

Having repeated my attempt three or four times, at last I felt = exhausted and=20 had no more strength to push and to be puched, so I went aside and stood = in a=20 corner of the porch. And only then with great difficulty it began to = dawn on me,=20 and I began to understand the reason why I was prevented from being = admitted to=20 see the life-giving Cross. The word of salvation gently touched the eyes = of my=20 heart and revealed to me that it was my unclean life which barred the = entrance=20 to me. I began to weep and lament and beat my breast, and to sigh from = the=20 depths of my heart. And so I stood weeping when I saw above me the ikon = of the=20 most holy Mother of God. And turning to her my bodily and spiritual eyes = I said:=20

`O Lady, Mother of God, who gave birth in the flesh to God the Word, = I know,=20 O how well I know, that it is no honour or praise to thee when one so = impure and=20 depraved as I look up to thy ikon, O ever-virgin, who didst keep thy = body and=20 soul in purity. rightly do I inspire hatred and disgust before thy = virginal=20 purity. But I have heard that God Who was born of thee became man on = purpose to=20 call sinners to repentance. Then help me, for I have no other help. = Order the=20 entrance of the church to be opened to me. Allow me to see the venerable = Tree on=20 which He Who was born of thee suffered in the flesh and on which He shed = His=20 holy Blood for the redemption of sinners an for me, unworthy as I am. Be = my=20 faithful witness before thy son that I will never again defile my body = by the=20 impurity of fornication, but as soon as I have seen the Tree of the = Cross I will=20 renounce the world and its temptations and will go wherever thou wilt = lead me.'=20

Thus I spoke and as if acquiring some hope in firm faith and = feeling some=20 confidence in the mercy of the Mother of God, I left the place where I = stood=20 praying. And I went again and mingled with the crowd that was pushing = its way=20 into the temple. And no one seemed to thwart me, no one hindered my = entering the=20 church. I was possessed with trembling, and was almost in delirium. = Having got=20 as far as the doors which I could not reach before -- as if the same = force which=20 had hindered me cleared the way for me -- I now entered without = difficulty and=20 found myself within the holy place. And so it was I saw the lifegiving = Cross. I=20 saw too the Mysteries of God and how the Lord accepts repentance. = Throwing=20 myself on the ground, I worshipped that holy earth and kissed it with = trembling.=20 The I came out of the church and went to her who had promised to be my = security,=20 to the place where I had sealed my vow. And bending my knees before the = Virgin=20 Mother of God, I addressed to her such words as these:

`O loving Lady, thou hast shown me thy great love for all men. glory = to God=20 Who receives the repentance of sinners through thee. What more can I = recollect=20 or say, I who am so sinful? It is time for me, O Lady to fulfil my vow,=20 according to thy witness. Now lead me by the hand along the path of = repentance!'=20 And at these words I heard a voice from on high:

`If you cross the Jordan you will find glorious rest.'=20

Hearing this voice and having faith that it was for me, I cried to = the=20 Mother of God:

`O Lady, Lady, do not forsake me!'=20

With these words I left the porch of the church and set off on my = journey.=20 As I was leaving the church a stranger glanced at me and gave me three = coins,=20 saying:

`Sister, take these.'=20

And, taking the money, I bought three loaves and took them with me = on my=20 journey, as a blessed gift. I asked the person who sold the bread: = `Which is=20 the way to the Jordan?' I was directed to the city gate which led = that way.=20 Running on I passed the gates and still weeping went on my journey. = Those I met=20 I asked the way, and after walking for the rest of that day (I think it = was nine=20 o'clock when I saw the Cross) I at length reached at sunset the Church = of St.=20 John the Baptist which stood on the banks of the Jordan. After praying = in the=20 temple, I went down to the Jordan and rinsed my face and hands in its = holy=20 waters. I partook of the holy and life-giving Mysteries in the Church of = the=20 Forerunner and ate half of one of my loaves. Then, after drinking some = water=20 from Jordan, I lay down and passed the night on the ground. In the = morning I=20 found a small boat and crossed to the opposite bank. I again prayed to = Our Lady=20 to lead me whither she wished. Then I found myself in this desert and = since then=20 up to this very day I am estranged from all, keeping away from people = and=20 running away from everyone. And I live here clinging to my God Who saves = all who=20 turn to Him from faintheartedness and storms."=20

Zosimas asked her:=20

"How many years have gone by since you began to live in this = desert?"=20

She replied:=20

"Forty-seven years have already gone by, I think, since I left the = holy=20 city."=20

Zosimas asked:=20

"But what food do you find?"=20

The woman said:=20

"I had two and a half loaves when I crossed the Jordan. Soon they = dried up=20 and became hard as rock. Eating a little I gradually finished them after = a few=20 years."=20

Zosimas asked.=20

"Can it be that without getting ill you have lived so many years = thus,=20 without suffering in any way from such a complete change?"=20

The woman answered:=20

"You remind me, Zosimas, of what I dare not speak of. For when I = recall=20 all the dangers which I overcame, and all the violent thoughts which = confused=20 me, I am again afraid that they will take possession of me."=20

Zosimas said:=20

"Do not hide from me anything; speak to me without concealing=20 anything."=20

And she said to him:=20

"Believe me, Abba, seventeen years I passed in this desert = fighting wild=20 beasts -- mad desires and passions. When I was about to partake of food, = I used=20 to begin to regret the meat and fish which of which I had so much in = Egypt. I=20 regretted also not having wine which I loved so much. for I drank a lot = of wine=20 when I lived in the world, while here I had not even water. I used to = burn and=20 succumb with thirst. The mad desire for profligate songs also entered me = and=20 confused me greatly, edging me on to sing satanic songs which I had = learned=20 once. But when such desires entered me I struck myself on the breast and = reminded myself of the vow which I had made, when going into the desert. = In my=20 thoughts I returned to the ikon of the Mother of God which had received = me and=20 to her I cried in prayer. I implored her to chase away the thoughts to = which my=20 miserable soul was succumbing. And after weeping for long and beating my = breast=20 I used to see light at last which seemed to shine on me from everywhere. = And=20 after the violent storm, lasting calm descended.=20

And how can I tell you about the thoughts which urged me on to = fornication,=20 how can I express them to you, Abba? A fire was kindled in my miserable = heart=20 which seemed to burn me up completely and to awake in me a thirst for = embraces.=20 As soon as this craving came to me, I flung myself on the earth and = watered it=20 with my tears, as if I saw before me my witness, who had appeared to me = in my=20 disobedience, and who seemed to threaten punishment for the crime. And I = did not=20 rise from the ground (sometimes I lay thus prostrate for a day and a = night)=20 until a calm and sweet light descended and enlightened me and chased = away the=20 thoughts that possessed me. But always I turned to the eyes of my mind = to my=20 Protectress, asking her to extend help to one who was sinking fast in = the waves=20 of the desert. And I always had her as my Helper and the Accepter of my=20 repentance. And thus I lived for seventeen years amid constant dangers. = And=20 since then even till now the Mother of God helps me in everything and = leads me=20 as it were by the hand."=20

Zosimas asked:=20

"Can it be that you did not need food and clothing?"=20

She answered:=20

"After finishing the loaves I had, of which I spoke, for seventeen = years I=20 have fed on herbs and all that can be found in the desert. The clothes I = had=20 when I crossed the Jordan became torn and worn out. I suffered greatly = from the=20 cold and greatly from the extreme heat. At times the sun burned me up = and at=20 other times I shivered from the frost, and frequently falling to the = ground I=20 lay without breath and without motion. I struggled with many afflictions = and=20 with terrible temptations. But from that time till now the power of God = in=20 numerous ways had guarded my sinful soul and my humble body. When I only = reflect=20 on the evils from which Our Lord has delivered me I have imperishable = food for=20 hope o of salvation. I am fed and clothed by the all-powerful Word of = God, the=20 Lord of all. For it is not by bread alone that man lives. And those who = have=20 stripped off the rags of sin have no refuge, hiding themselves in the = clefts of=20 the rocks (Job 24; Heb. 11:38)."=20

Hearing that she cited words Scripture, from Moses and Job, Zosimas = asked=20 her:=20

"And so you have read the psalms and other books?"=20

She smiled at this and said to the elder:=20

"Believe be, I have not seen a human face ever since I crossed the = Jordan,=20 except yours today. I have not seen a beast or a living being ever since = I came=20 into the desert. I never learned from books. I have never even heard = anyone who=20 sang and read from them. But the word of God which is alive and active, = by=20 itself teaches a man knowledge. And so this is the end of my tale. But, = as I=20 asked you in the beginning, so even now I implore you for the sake of = the=20 Incarnate word of God, to pray to the Lord for me who am such a = sinner."=20

Thus concluding here tale she bowed down before him. And with tears = the elder=20 exclaimed:=20

"Blessed is God Who creates the great and wondrous, the glorious = and=20 marvellous without end. Blessed is God Who has shown me how He rewards = those who=20 fear Him. Truly, O Lord, Thou dost not forsake those who seek Thee!" =

And the woman, not allowing the elder to bow down before her, said:=20

"I beg you, holy father, for the sake of Jesus Christ our God and = Savior,=20 tell no one what you have heard, until God delivers me of this earth. = And how=20 depart in peace and again next year you shall see me, and I you, if God = will=20 preserve us in His great mercy. But for God's sake, do as I ask you. = Next year=20 during Lent do not cross the Jordan, as is your custom in the = monastery."=20

Zosimas was amazed to hear that she know the rules of the monastery = and could=20 only say:=20

"Glory to God Who bestows great gifts on those who love Him."=20

She continued:=20

"Remain, Abba, in the monastery. And even if you wish to depart, = you will=20 not be to do so. And at sunset of the holy day of the Last super, put = some of=20 the lifegiving Body and Blood of Christ into a holy vessel worthy to = hold such=20 Mysteries for me, and bring it. And wait for me on the banks of the = Jordan=20 adjoining the inhabited parts of the land, so that I can come and = partake of the=20 lifegiving Gifts. For, since the time I communicated in the temple of = the=20 Forerunner before crossing the Jordan even to this day I have not = approached the=20 Holy Mysteries. And I thirst for them with irrepressible love and = longing. and=20 therefore I ask and implore you to grant me my wish, bring me the = lifegiving=20 Mysteries at the very hour when Our Lord made His disciples partake of = His=20 Divine Supper. Tell John the Abbot of the monastery where you live. Look = to=20 yourself and to your brothers, for there is much that needs correction. = Only do=20 not say this now, but when God guides you. Pray for me!"=20

With these words she vanished in the depths of the desert. And = Zosimas,=20 falling down on his knees and bowing down to the ground on which she had = stood,=20 sent up glory and thanks to God. And, after wandering thorough the = desert, he=20 returned to the monastery on the day all the brothers returned.=20

For the whole year he kept silent, not daring to tell anyone of what = he had=20 seen. But in his should he pray to God to give him another chance of = seeing the=20 ascetic's dear face. and when at length the first Sunday of the Great = Fast came,=20 all went out into the desert with the customary prayers and the singing = of=20 psalms. Only Zosimas was held back by illness -- he lay in a fever. And = then he=20 remembered what the saint had said to him: "and even if you wish to = depart,=20 you will not be able to do so."=20

Many days passed and at last recovering from his illness he remained = in the=20 monastery. And when attain the monks returned and the day of the Last = Supper=20 dawned, he did as he had been ordered. and placing some of the most pure = Body=20 and Blood into a small chalice and putting some gis and dates and = lentils soaked=20 in water into a small basket, he departed for the desert and reached the = banks=20 of the Jordan and sat down to wait for the saint. He waited for a long = while and=20 then began to doubt. then raising his eyes to heaven, he began to pray:=20

"Grant me O Lord, to behold that which Thou hast allowed be to = behold=20 once. do not let me depart in vain, being the burden of my sins."=20

And then another thought struck him:=20

"And what is she does come? There is no boat; how will she cross = the=20 Jordan to come to me who am so unworthy?"=20

And as he was pondering thus he saw the holy woman appear and stand = on the=20 other side of the river. Zosimas got up rejoicing and glorifying and = thanking=20 God. And again the thought came to him that she could not cross the = Jordan. Then=20 he saw that she made the sign of the Cross over the waters of the Jordan = (and=20 the night was a moonlight one, as he related afterwards) and then she at = once=20 stepped on to the waters and began walking across the surface towards = him. And=20 when he wanted to prostrate himself, she cried to him while still = walking on the=20 water:=20

"What are you doing, Abba, you are a priest and carrying the = divine=20 Gifts!"=20

He obeyed her and on reaching the shore she said to the elder:=20

"Bless, father, bless me!"=20

He answered her trembling, for a state of confusion had overcome him = at the=20 sight of the miracle:=20

"Truly God did not lie when He promised that when we purify = ourselves we=20 shall be like Him. Glory to The, Christ our God, Who has shown me = through this=20 thy slave how far away I stand from perfection."=20

Here the woman asked him to say the Creed and our Father. He began, = she=20 finished the prayer and according to the custom of that time gave him = the kiss=20 of peace on the lips. Having partaken of the Holy Mysteries, she raised = her=20 hands to heaven and sighed with tears in her eyes, exclaiming:=20

"Now lettest Thou Thy servant depart in peace, O Lord, according = to Thy=20 word; for my eyes have seen Thy salvation."=20

Then she said to the elder:=20

"Forgive me, Abba, for asking you, but fulfil another wish of = mine. Go now=20 to the monastery and let God's grace guard you. and next year come again = to the=20 same place where I first met you. come for God's sake, for you shall = again see=20 me, for such is the will of God."=20

He said to her:=20

"From this day on I would like to follow you and always see your = holy=20 face. but now fulfil the one and only wish of an old man and take a = little of=20 the food I have brought for you."=20

And he showed her the basket, while she just touched the lentils with = the=20 tips of her fingers, and taking three grains said that the Holy spirit = guards=20 the substance of the soul unpolluted. Then she said:=20

"Pray, for God's sake pray for me and remember a miserable = wretch."=20

Touching the saint's feet and asking for her prayers for the Church, = the=20 kingdom and himself, he let her depart with tears, while he went off = sighing and=20 sorrowful, for he could not hope to vanquish the invincible. Meanwhile = she again=20 made the sign of the Cross over the Jordan, and stepped on to the waters = and=20 crossed over as before. And the elder returned filled with joy and = terror,=20 accusing himself of not having asked the saint her name. But he decided = to do so=20 next year.=20

And when another year had passed, he again went into the desert. he = reached=20 the same spot but could see no sign of anyone. so raising his eyes to = heaven as=20 before, he prayed:=20

"Show me, O Lord, Thy pure treasure, which Thou hast concealed in = the=20 desert. Show me, I pray Thee, the angel in the flesh, of which the world = is not=20 worthy."=20

Then on the opposite bank of the river, her face turned towards the = rising=20 sun, he saw the saint lying dead. Her hands were crossed according to = custom and=20 her face was turned to the East. Running up he shed tears over the = saint's feet=20 and kissed them, not daring to touch anything else.=20

For a long time he wept. Then reciting the appointed psalms, he said = the=20 burial prayers and thought to himself: "Must I bury the body of a = saint? Or=20 will this be contrary to her wishes?" And then he saw words traced = on the=20 ground by her head:=20

"Abba Zosimas, bury on this spot the body of humble Mary. Return = to dust=20 that which is dust and pray to the Lord for me, who departed in the = month of=20 Fermoutin of Egypt, called April by the Romans, on the first day, on the = very=20 night of our Lord's Passion, after having partaken of the Divine = Mysteries."=20 [St. Mary died in 522 A. D.]=20

Reading this the elder was glad to know the saint's name. He = understood too=20 that as soon as she had partaken of the Divine Mysteries on the shore of = the=20 Jordan she was at once transported to the place where she died. The = distance=20 which Zosimas had taken twenty days to cover, Mary had evidently = traversed in an=20 hour and had at once surrendered her soul to God.=20

Then Zosimas thought: "It is time to do as she wished. But how am = I to dig=20 a grave with nothing in my hands?"=20

And then he saw nearby a small piece of wood left by some traveller = in the=20 desert. Picking it up he began to dig the ground. But the earth was hard = and dry=20 and did not yield to the efforts of the elder. He grew tired and covered = with=20 sweat. he sighed from the depths of his soul and lifting up his eyes he = saw a=20 big lion standing close to the saint's body and licking her feet. At the = sight=20 of the lion he trembled with fear, especially when he called to mind = Mary's=20 words that she had never seen wild beasts in the desert. But guarding = himself=20 with the sign of the cross, the thought came to him that the power of = the one=20 lying there would protect him and keep him unharmed. Meanwhile the lion = drew=20 nearer to him, expressing affection by every movement.=20

Zosimas said to the lion:=20

"The Great One ordered that her body was to be buried. But I am = old and=20 have not the strength to dig the grave (for I have no spade and it would = take=20 too long to go and get one), so can you carry out the work with your = claws? Then=20 we can commit to the earth the mortal temple of the saint."=20

While he was still speaking the lion with his front paws began to dig = a hole=20 deep enough to bury the body.=20

Again the elder washed the feet of the saint with his tears and = calling on=20 her to pray for all, covered the body with earth in the presence of the = lion. It=20 was as it had been, naked and uncovered by anything but the tattered = cloak which=20 had been given to her by Zosimas and with which Mary, turning away, had = managed=20 to cover part of her body. Then both departed. The lion went off into = the depth=20 of the desert like a lamb, while Zosimas returned to the monastery = glorifying=20 and blessing Christ our Lord. And on reaching the monastery he told all = the=20 brothers about everything, and all marvelled on hearing of God's = miracles. And=20 with fear and love they kept the memory of the saint.=20

Abbot John, as St. Mary had previously told Abba Zosimas, found a = number of=20 things wrong in the monastery and got rid of them with God's help. And = Saint=20 Zosimas died in the same monastery, almost attaining the age of a = hundred, and=20 passed to eternal life. The monks kept this story without writing it = down and=20 passed it on by word of mouth to one another.=20

But I (adds Sophronius) as soon as I heard it, wrote it down. Perhaps = someone=20 else, better informed, has already written the life of the Saint, but as = far as=20 I could, I have recorded everything, putting truth above all else. may = God Who=20 works amazing miracles and generously bestows gifts on those who turn to = Him=20 with faith, reward those who seek light for themselves in this story, = who hear,=20 read and are zealous to write it, and may He grant them the lot of = blessed Mary=20 together with all who at different times have pleased God by their pious = thoughts and labours.=20

And let us also give glory to God, the eternal King, that He may = grant us too=20 His mercy in the day of judgment for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord, = to Whom=20 belongs all glory, honour, dominion and adoration with the Eternal = Father and=20 the Most Holy and Life-giving Spirit, now and always, and thought all = ages.=20 Amen.

Troparion, tone 8

In thee, O Mother, was exactly preserved what was according to the = divine=20 image. for thou didst take the cross and follow Christ, and by thy life, = didst=20 teach us to ignore the flesh, since it is transitory, but to care for = the soul=20 as an immortal thing. Therefore, thy spirit, St. Mary, rejoices with the = Angels.

Kontakion, tone 4

Having escaped the fog of sin, and having illumined thy heart with = the light=20 of penitence, O glorious one, thou didst come to Christ and didst offer = to Him=20 His immaculate and holy Mother as a merciful intercessor. Hence thou = hast found=20 remission of transgressions, and with the Angels thou ever rejoicest.=20

The End and Glory Be to God

this text was taken from the Orthod= ox Page=20 in Europe. No other publication data given.=20

This version of the text is part of the Internet Medieval = Source=20 Book. The Sourcebook is a collection of public domain, = copy-permitted and=20 electronically available texts related to medieval and Byzantine = history.=20

Unless otherwise indicated the specific electronic form of the = document is=20 copyright. Permission is granted for electronic copying, distribution in = print=20 form for educational purposes and personal use. If you do reduplicate = the=20 document, indicate the source. No permission is granted for commercial = use.=20