Mary of Egypt, Complete Life by Patriarch = Sophronius of=20 Jerusalem

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St Mary of Egypt

"It is good to hide the secret of a king, but it is glorious to = reveal=20 and preach the works of God" (Tobit 12.7) So said the = Archangel=20 Raphael to Tobit when he performed the wonderful healing of his = blindness.=20 Actually, not to keep the secret of a king is perilous and a = terrible=20 risk, but to be silent about the works of God is a great loss for = the=20 soul. And I (says St. Sophronius), in writing the life of St. Mary = of=20 Egypt, am afraid to hide the works of God by silence. Remembering = the=20 misfortune threatened to the servant who hid his God-given talent = in the=20 earth (Matt 25.18-25), I am bound to pass on the holy = account that=20 has reached me. And let no one think (continues St. Sophronius) = that I=20 have had the audacity to write untruth or doubt this great marvel = --may I=20 never lie about holy things! If there do happen to be people who, = after=20 reading this record, do not believe it, may the Lord have mercy on = them=20 because, reflecting on the weakness of human nature, they consider = impossible these wonderful things accomplished by holy people. But = now we=20 must begin to tell this most amazing story, which has taken place = in our=20 generation.

There was a certain elder in one of the monasteries of = Palestine, a=20 priest of the holy life and speech, who from childhood had been = brought up=20 in monastic ways and customs. This elder's name was Zosimas. He = had been=20 through the whole course of the ascetic life and in everything he = adhered=20 to the rule once given to him by his tutors as regard spiritual = labours.=20 he had also added a good deal himself whilst labouring to subject = his=20 flesh to the will of the spirit. And he had not failed in his aim. = He was=20 so renowned for his spiritual life that many came to him from = neighboring=20 monasteries and some even from afar. While doing all this, he = never ceased=20 to study the Divine Scriptures. Whether resting, standing, working = or=20 eating food (if the scraps he nibbled could be called food), he=20 incessantly and constantly had a single aim: always to sing of = God, and to=20 practice the teaching of the Divine Scriptures. Zosimas used to = relate=20 how, as soon as he was taken from his mother's breast, he was = handed over=20 to the monastery where he went through his training as an ascetic = till he=20 reached the age of 53. After that, he began to be tormented with = the=20 thought that he was perfect in everything and needed no = instruction from=20 anyone, saying to himself mentally, "Is there a monk on earth = who can=20 be of use to me and show me a kind of asceticism that I have not=20 accomplished? Is there a man to be found in the desert who has = surpassed=20 me?"

Thus thought the elder, when suddenly an angel appeared to him = and=20 said:

"Zosimas, valiantly have you struggled, as far as this is = within the=20 power of man, valiantly have you gone through the ascetic course. = But=20 there is no man who has attained perfection. Before you lie = unknown=20 struggles greater than those you have already accomplished. That = you may=20 know how many other ways lead to salvation, leave your native land = like=20 the renowned patriarch Abraham and go to the monastery by the = River=20 Jordan."

Zosimas did as he was told. he left the monastery in which he = had lived=20 from childhood, and went to the River Jordan. At last he reached = the=20 community to which God had sent him. Having knocked at the door of = the=20 monastery, he told the monk who was the porter who he was; and the = porter=20 told the abbot. On being admitted to the abbot's presence, Zosimas = made=20 the usual monastic prostration and prayer. Seeing that he was a = monk the=20 abbot asked:

"Where do you come from, brother, and why have you come to = us poor=20 old men?"

Zosimas replied:

"There is no need to speak about where I have come from, but = I have=20 come, father, seeking spiritual profit, for I have heard great = things=20 about your skill in leading souls to God."

"Brother," the abbot said to him, "Only God can heal = the=20 infirmity of the soul. May He teach you and us His divine ways and = guide=20 us. But as it is the love of Christ that has moved you to visit us = poor=20 old men, then stay with us, if that is why you have come. May the = Good=20 Shepherd Who laid down His life for our salvation fill us all with = the=20 grace of the Holy Spirit."

After this, Zosimas bowed to the abbot, asked for his prayers = and=20 blessing, and stayed in the monastery. There he saw elders = proficient both=20 in action and the contemplation of God, aflame in spirit, working = for the=20 Lord. They sang incessantly, they stood in prayer all night, work = was ever=20 in their hands and psalms on their lips. Never an idle word was = heard=20 among them, they know nothing about acquiring temporal goods or = the cares=20 of life. But they had one desire -- to become in body like = corpses. Their=20 constant food was the Word of God, and they sustained their bodies = on=20 bread and water, as much as their love for God allowed them Seeing = this,=20 Zosimas was greatly edified and prepared for the struggle that lay = before=20 him.

Many days passed and the time drew near when all Christians = fast and=20 prepare themselves to worship the Divine Passion and Ressurection = of=20 Christ. The monastery gates were kept always locked and only = opened when=20 one of the community was sent out on some errand. It was a desert = place,=20 not only unvisited by people of the world but even unknown to = them.

There was a rule in that monastery which was the reason why God = brought=20 Zosimas there. At the beginning of the Great Fast [on Forgiveness = Sunday]=20 the priest celebrated the holy Liturgy and all partook of the holy = body=20 and blood of Christ. After the Liturgy they went to the refectory = and=20 would eat a little lenten food.

Then all gathered in church, and after praying earnestly with=20 prostrations, the elders kissed one another and asked forgiveness. = And=20 each made a prostration to the abbot and asked his blessing and = prayers=20 for the struggle that lay before them. After this, the gates of = the=20 monastery were thrown open, and singing, "The Lord is my light and = my=20 Savior; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the defender of my life; of = whom=20 shall I be afraid?" (Psalm 26.1) and the rest of that psalm, all = went out into=20 the desert and crossed the River Jordan. Only one or two brothers = were=20 left in the monastery, not to guard the property (for there was = nothing to=20 rob), but so as not to leave the church without Divine Service. = Each took=20 with him as much as he could or wanted in the way of food, = according to=20 the needs of his body: one would take a little bread, another some = figs,=20 another dates or wheat soaked in water. And some took nothing but = their=20 own body covered with rags and fed when nature forced them to it = on the=20 plants that grew in the desert.

After crossing the Jordan, they all scattered far and wide in = different=20 directions. And this was the rule of life they had, and which they = all=20 observed -- neither to talk to one another, nor to know how each = one lived=20 and fasted. If they did happen to catch sight of one another, they = went to=20 another part of the country, living alone and always singing to = God, and=20 at a definite time eating a very small quantity of food. In this = way they=20 spent the whole of the fast and used to return to the monastery a = week=20 before the Resurrection of Christ, on Palm Sunday. Each one = returned=20 having his own conscience as the witness of his labour, and no one = asked=20 another how he had spent his time in the desert. Such were rules = of the=20 monastery. Everyone of them whilst in the desert struggled with = himself=20 before the Judge of the struggle -- God -- not seeking to please = men and=20 fast before the eyes of all. For what is done for the sake of men, = to win=20 praise and honour, is not only useless to the one who does it but=20 sometimes the cause of great punishment.

Zosimas did the same as all. And he went far, far into the = desert with=20 a secret hope of finding some father who might be living there and = who=20 might be able to satisfy his thirst and longing. And he wandered = on=20 tireless, as if hurrying on to some definite place. He had already = waled=20 for 20 days and when the 6th hour came he stopped and, turning to = the=20 East, he began to sing the sixth Hour and recite the customary = prayers. He=20 used to break his journey thus at fixed hours of the day to rest a = little,=20 to chant psalms standing and to pray on bent knees.

And as he sang thus without turning his eyes from the heavens, = he=20 suddenly saw to the right of the hillock on which he stood the = semblance=20 of a human body. At first he was confused thinking he beheld a = vision of=20 the devil, and even started with fear. But, having guarded himself = with he=20 sign of the Cross and banished all fear, he turned his gaze in = that=20 direction and in truth saw some form gliding southwards. It was = naked, the=20 skin dark as if burned up by the heat of the sun; the hair on its = head was=20 white as a fleece, and not long, falling just below its neck. = Zosimas was=20 so overjoyed at beholding a human form that he ran after it in = pursuit,=20 but the form fled from him. He followed. At length, when he was = near=20 enough to be heard, he shouted:

=20

Mary receives the mysteries from=20 Zosimas

"Why do you run from an old man and a sinner? Slave of the = True God,=20 wait for me, whoever you are, in God's name I tell you, for the = love of=20 God for Whose sake you are living in the desert."

"Forgive me for God's sake, but I cannot turn towards you = and show=20 you my face, Abba Zosimas. For I am a woman and naked as you see = with the=20 uncovered shame of my body. But if you would like to fulfil one = wish of a=20 sinful woman, throw me your cloak so that I can cover my body and = can turn=20 to you and ask for your blessing."

Here terror seized Zosimas, for he heard that she called him by = name.=20 But he realized that she could not have done so without knowing = anything=20 of him if she had not had the power of spiritual insight.

He at once did as he was asked. He took off his old, tattered = cloak and=20 threw it to her, turning away as he did so. She picked it up and = was able=20 to cover at least a part of her body. The she turned to Zosimas = and said:=20

"Why did you wish, Abba Zosimas, to see a sinful woman? What = do you=20 wish to hear or learn from me, you who have not shrunk from such = great=20 struggles?"

Zosimas threw himself on the ground and asked for her blessing. = She=20 likewise bowed down before him. And thus they lay on the ground = prostrate=20 asking for each other's blessing. And one word alone could be = heard from=20 both: "Bless me!" After a long while the woman said to = Zosimas:=20

"Abba Zosimas, it is you who must give blessing and pray. = You are=20 dignified by the order of priesthood and for many years you have = been=20 standing before the holy altar and offering the sacrifice of the = Divine=20 Mysteries."

This flung Zosimas into even greater terror. At length with = tears he=20 said to her:

"O mother, filled with the spirit, by your mode of life it = is=20 evident that you live with God and have died to the world. The = Grace=20 granted to you is apparent -- for you have called me by name and=20 recognized that I am a priest, though you have never seen me = before. Grace=20 is recognized not by one's orders, but by gifts of the Spirit, so = give me=20 your blessing for God's sake, for I need your prayers."

Then, giving way before the wish of the elder, the woman said: =

"Blessed is God Who cares for the salvation of men and their = souls."

Zosimas answered:

"Amen."

And both rose to their feet. Then the woman asked the elder: =

"Why have you come, man of God, to me who am so sinful? Why = do you=20 wish to see a woman naked and devoid of every virtue? Though I = know one=20 thing -- the Grace of the Holy Spirit has brought you to render me = a=20 service in time. Tell me, father, how are the Christian peoples = living?=20 And the kings? How is the Church guided?"

Zosimas said:

"By your prayers, mother, Christ has granted lasting peace = to all.=20 But fulfill the unworthy petition of an old man and pray for the = whole=20 world and for me who am a sinner, so that my wanderings in the = desert may=20 not be fruitless."

She answered:

"You who are a priest, Abba Zosimas, it is you who must pray = for me=20 and for all -- for this is your calling. But as we must all be = obedient, I=20 will gladly do what you ask."

And with these words she turned to the East, and raising her = eyes to=20 heaven and stretching out her hands, she began to pray in a = whisper. One=20 could not hear separate words, so that Zosimas could not = understand=20 anything that she said in her prayers. Meanwhile he stood, = according to=20 his own word, all in a flutter, looking at the ground without = saying a=20 word. And he swore, calling God to witness, that when at length he = thought=20 that her prayer was very long, he took his eyes off the ground and = saw=20 that she was raised bout a forearm's distance from the ground and = stood=20 praying in the air. When he saw this, even greater terror seized = him and=20 he fell on the ground weeping and repeating may times, "Lord = have=20 mercy."

And whilst lying prostrate on the ground he was tempted by a = thought:=20 Is it not a spirit, and perhaps her prayer is hypocrisy. But at = the very=20 same moment the woman turned round, raised the elder from the = ground and=20 said:

"Why do thoughts confuse you, Abba, and tempt you about me, = as if I=20 were a spirit and a dissember in prayer? Know, holy father, that I = am only=20 a sinful woman, though I am guarded by Holy baptism. And I am no = spirit=20 but earth and ashes, and flesh alone."

And with these words she guarded herself with the sign of the = Cross on=20 her forehead, eyes, mouth and breast, saying:

"May God defend us from the evil one and from his designs, = for=20 fierce is his struggle against us."

Hearing and seeing this, the elder fell to the ground and, = embracing=20 her feet, he said with tears:

"I beg you, by the Name of Christ our God, Who was born of a = Virgin,=20 for Whose sake you have stripped yourself, for Whose sake you have = exhausted your flesh, do not hide from your slave, who you are and = whence=20 and how you came into this desert. Tell me everything so that the=20 marvellous works of God may become known. A hidden wisdom and a = secret=20 treasure -- what profit is there in them? Tell me all, I implore = you. for=20 not out of vanity or for self-display will you speak but to reveal = the=20 truth to me, an unworthy sinner. I believe in God, for whom you = live and=20 whom you serve. I believe that He led me into this desert so as to = show me=20 His ways in regard to you. It is not in our power to resist the = plans of=20 God. If it were not the will of God that you and your life would = be known,=20 He would not have allowed be to see you and would not have = strengthened me=20 to undertake this journey, one like me who never before dared to = leave his=20 cell."

Much more said Abba Zosimas. But the woman raised him and said: =

"I am ashamed, Abba, to speak to you of my disgraceful life, = forgive=20 me for God's sake! But as you have already seen my naked body I = shall=20 likewise lay bare before you my work, so that you may know with = what shame=20 and obscenity my soul is filled. I was not running away out of = vanity, as=20 you thought, for what have I to be proud of -- I who was the = chosen vessel=20 of the devil? But when I start my story you will run from me, as = from a=20 snake, for your ears will not be able to bear the vileness of my = actions.=20 But I shall tell you all without hiding anything, only imploring = you first=20 of all to pray incessantly for me, so that I may find mercy on the = day of=20 Judgment."

The elder wept and the woman began her story.

"My native land, holy father, was Egypt. Already during the = lifetime=20 of my parents, when I was twelve years old, I renounced their love = and=20 went to Alexandria. I am ashamed to recall how there I at first = ruined my=20 maidenhood and then unrestrainedly and insatiably gave myself up = to=20 sensuality. It is more becoming to speak of this briefly, so that = you may=20 just know my passion and my lechery. for about seventeen years, = forgive=20 me, I lived like that. I was like a fire of public debauch. And it = was not=20 for the sake of gain -- here I speak the pure truth. Often when = they=20 wished to pay me, I refused the money. I acted in this way so as = to make=20 as many men as possible to try to obtain me, doing free of charge = what=20 gave me pleasure. do not think that I was rich and that was the = reason why=20 I did not take money. I lived by begging, often by spinning flax, = but I=20 had an insatiable desire and an irrepressible passion for lying in = filth.=20 This was life to me. Every kind of abuse of nature I regarded as = life.=20

That is how I lived. Then one summer I saw a large crowd of = Lybians=20 and Egyptians running towards the sea. I asked one of them, = `Where are=20 these men hurrying to?' He replied, `They are all going to=20 Jerusalem for the Exaltation of the Precious and Lifegiving Cross, = which=20 takes place in a few days.' I said to him, `Will they take = me with=20 them if I wish to go?' `No one will hinder you if you have money = to pay=20 for the journey and for food.' And I said to him, `To tell = you=20 truth, I have no money, neither have I food. But I shall go with = them and=20 shall go aboard. And they shall feed me, whether they want to or = not. I=20 have a body -- they shall take it instead of pay for the journey.' = I=20 was suddenly filled with a desire to go, Abba, to have more lovers = who=20 could satisfy my passion. I told you, Abba Zosimas, not to force = me to=20 tell you of my disgrace. God is my witness, I am afraid of = defiling you=20 and the very air with my words."

Zosimas, weeping, replied to her:

"Speak on for God's sake, mother, speak and do not break the = thread=20 of such an edifying tale."

And, resuming her story, she went on:

"That youth, on hearing my shameless words, laughed and went = off.=20 While I, throwing away my spinning wheel, ran off towards the sea = in the=20 direction which everyone seemed to be taking. and, seeing some = young men=20 standing on the shore, about ten or more of them, full of vigour = and alert=20 in their movements, I decided that they would do for my purpose = (it seemed=20 that some of them were waiting for more travellers whilst others = had gone=20 ashore). Shamelessly, as usual, I mixed with the crowd, = saying, `Take=20 me with you to the place you are going to; you will not find me=20 superfluous.' I also added a few more words calling forth = general=20 laughter. Seeing my readiness to be shameless, they readily took = me aboard=20 the boat. Those who were expected came also, and we set sail at = once.=20

How shall I relate to you what happened after this? Whose = tongue can=20 tell, whose ears can take in all that took place on the boat = during that=20 voyage! And to all this I frequently forced those miserable youths = even=20 against their own will. There is no mentionable or unmentionable = depravity=20 of which I was not their teacher. I am amazed, Abba, how the sea = stood our=20 licentiousness, how the earth did not open its jaws, and how it = was that=20 hell did not swallow me alive, when I had entangled in my net so = many=20 souls. But I think God was seeking my repentance. For He does not = desire=20 the death of a sinner but magnanimously awaits his return to Him. = At last=20 we arrived in Jerusalem. I spent the days before the festival in = the town,=20 living the same kind of life, perhaps even worse. I was not = content with=20 the youths I had seduced at sea and who had helped be to get to = Jerusalem;=20 many others -- citizens of the town and foreigners -- I also = seduced.=20

The holy day of the Exaltation=20 of the Cross dawned while I was still flying about -- hunting = for=20 youths. At daybreak I saw that everyone was hurrying to the = church, so I=20 ran with the rest. When the hour for the holy elevation = approached, I was=20 trying to make my way in with the crowd which was struggling to = get=20 through the church doors. I had at last squeezed through with = great=20 difficulty almost to the entrance of the temple, from which the = lifegiving=20 Tree of the Cross was being shown to the people. But when I trod = on the=20 doorstep which everyone passed, I was stopped by some force which=20 prevented my entering. Meanwhile I was brushed aside by the crowd = and=20 found myself standing alone in the porch. Thinking that this had = happened=20 because of my woman's weakness, I again began to work my way into = the=20 crowd, trying to elbow myself forward. But in vain I struggled. = Again my=20 feet trod on the doorstep over which others were entering the = church=20 without encountering any obstacle. I alone seemed to remain = unaccepted by=20 the church. It was as if there was a detachment of soldiers = standing there=20 to oppose my entrance. Once again I was excluded by the same = mighty force=20 and again I stood in the porch.

Having repeated my attempt three or four times, at last I = felt=20 exhausted and had no more strength to push and to be pushed, so I = went=20 aside and stood in a corner of the porch. And only then with great = difficulty it began to dawn on me, and I began to understand the = reason=20 why I was prevented from being admitted to see the life-giving = Cross. The=20 word of salvation gently touched the eyes of my heart and revealed = to me=20 that it was my unclean life which barred the entrance to me. I = began to=20 weep and lament and beat my breast, and to sigh from the depths of = my=20 heart. And so I stood weeping when I saw above me the ikon of the = most=20 holy Mother of God. And turning to her my bodily and spiritual = eyes I=20 said:

`O Lady, Mother of God, who gave birth in the flesh to God the = Word, I=20 know, O how well I know, that it is no honour or praise to thee = when one=20 so impure and depraved as I look up to thy ikon, O ever-virgin, = who didst=20 keep thy body and soul in purity. Rightly do I inspire hatred and = disgust=20 before thy virginal purity. But I have heard that God Who was born = of thee=20 became man on purpose to call sinners to repentance. Then help me, = for I=20 have no other help. Order the entrance of the church to be opened = to me.=20 Allow me to see the venerable Tree on which He Who was born of = thee=20 suffered in the flesh and on which He shed His holy Blood for the=20 redemption of sinners and for me, unworthy as I am. Be my faithful = witness=20 before thy Son that I will never again defile my body by the = impurity of=20 fornication, but as soon as I have seen the Tree of the Cross I = will=20 renounce the world and its temptations and will go wherever thou = wilt lead=20 me.'

Thus I spoke and as if acquiring some hope in firm faith and = feeling=20 some confidence in the mercy of the Mother of God, I left the = place where=20 I stood praying. And I went again and mingled with the crowd that = was=20 pushing its way into the temple. And no one seemed to thwart me, = no one=20 hindered my entering the church. I was possessed with trembling, = and was=20 almost in delirium. Having got as far as the doors which I could = not reach=20 before -- as if the same force which had hindered me cleared the = way for=20 me -- I now entered without difficulty and found myself within the = holy=20 place. And so it was I saw the lifegiving Cross. I saw too the = Mysteries=20 of God and how the Lord accepts repentance. Throwing myself on the = ground,=20 I worshipped that holy earth and kissed it with trembling. Then I = came out=20 of the church and went to her who had promised to be my security, = to the=20 place where I had sealed my vow. And bending my knees before the = Virgin=20 Mother of God, I addressed to her such words as these:

`O loving Lady, thou hast shown me thy great love for all men. = glory to=20 God Who receives the repentance of sinners through thee. What more = can I=20 recollect or say, I who am so sinful? It is time for me, O Lady to = fulfil=20 my vow, according to thy witness. Now lead me by the hand along = the path=20 of repentance!' And at these words I heard a voice from on = high:=20

`If you cross the Jordan you will find glorious rest.'

Hearing this voice and having faith that it was for me, I = cried to=20 the Mother of God:

`O Lady, Lady, do not forsake me!'

With these words I left the porch of the church and set off = on my=20 journey. As I was leaving the church a stranger glanced at me and = gave me=20 three coins, saying:

`Sister, take these.'

And, taking the money, I bought three loaves and took them = with me=20 on my journey, as a blessed gift. I asked the person who sold the = bread:=20 `Which is the way to the Jordan?' I was directed to the city gate = which=20 led that way. Running on I passed the gates and still weeping went = on my=20 journey. Those I met I asked the way, and after walking for the = rest of=20 that day (I think it was nine o'clock when I saw the Cross) I at = length=20 reached at sunset the Church of St. John the Baptist which stood = on the=20 banks of the Jordan. After praying in the temple, I went down to = the=20 Jordan and rinsed my face and hands in its holy waters. I partook = of the=20 holy and life-giving Mysteries in the Church of the Forerunner and = ate=20 half of one of my loaves. Then, after drinking some water from = Jordan, I=20 lay down and passed the night on the ground. In the morning I = found a=20 small boat and crossed to the opposite bank. I again prayed to Our = Lady to=20 lead me whither she wished. Then I found myself in this desert and = since=20 then up to this very day I am estranged from all, keeping away = from people=20 and running away from everyone. And I live here clinging to my God = Who=20 saves all who turn to Him from faintheartedness and storms." =

Zosimas asked her:

"How many years have gone by since you began to live in this = desert?"

She replied:

"Forty-seven years have already gone by, I think, since I = left the=20 holy city."

Zosimas asked:

"But what food do you find?"

The woman said:

"I had two and a half loaves when I crossed the Jordan. Soon = they=20 dried up and became hard as rock. Eating a little I gradually = finished=20 them after a few years."

Zosimas asked.

"Can it be that without getting ill you have lived so many = years=20 thus, without suffering in any way from such a complete = change?"

The woman answered:

"You remind me, Zosimas, of what I dare not speak of. For = when I=20 recall all the dangers which I overcame, and all the violent = thoughts=20 which confused me, I am again afraid that they will take = possession of=20 me."

Zosimas said:

"Do not hide from me anything; speak to me without = concealing=20 anything."

And she said to him:

"Believe me, Abba, seventeen years I passed in this desert = fighting=20 wild beasts -- mad desires and passions. When I was about to = partake of=20 food, I used to begin to regret the meat and fish of which I had = so much=20 in Egypt. I regretted also not having wine which I loved so much, = for I=20 drank a lot of wine when I lived in the world, while here I had = not even=20 water. I used to burn and succumb with thirst. The mad desire for=20 profligate songs also entered me and confused me greatly, edging = me on to=20 sing satanic songs which I had learned once. But when such desires = entered=20 me I struck myself on the breast and reminded myself of the vow = which I=20 had made, when going into the desert. In my thoughts I returned to = the=20 ikon of the Mother of God which had received me and to her I cried = in=20 prayer. I implored her to chase away the thoughts to which my = miserable=20 soul was succumbing. And after weeping for long and beating my = breast I=20 used to see light at last which seemed to shine on me from = everywhere. And=20 after the violent storm, lasting calm descended.

And how can I tell you about the thoughts which urged me on = to=20 fornication, how can I express them to you, Abba? A fire was = kindled in my=20 miserable heart which seemed to burn me up completely and to awake = in me a=20 thirst for embraces. As soon as this craving came to me, I flung = myself on=20 the earth and watered it with my tears, as if I saw before me my = witness,=20 who had appeared to me in my disobedience, and who seemed to = threaten=20 punishment for the crime. And I did not rise from the ground = (sometimes I=20 lay thus prostrate for a day and a night) until a calm and sweet = light=20 descended and enlightened me and chased away the thoughts that = possessed=20 me. But always I turned to the eyes of my mind to my Protectress, = asking=20 her to extend help to one who was sinking fast in the waves of the = desert.=20 And I always had her as my Helper and the Accepter of my = repentance. And=20 thus I lived for seventeen years amid constant dangers. And since = then=20 even till now the Mother of God helps me in everything and leads = me as it=20 were by the hand."

Zosimas asked:

"Can it be that you did not need food and clothing?" =

She answered:

"After finishing the loaves I had, of which I spoke, for = seventeen=20 years I have fed on herbs and all that can be found in the desert. = The=20 clothes I had when I crossed the Jordan became torn and worn out. = I=20 suffered greatly from the cold and greatly from the extreme heat. = At times=20 the sun burned me up and at other times I shivered from the frost, = and=20 frequently falling to the ground I lay without breath and without = motion.=20 I struggled with many afflictions and with terrible temptations. = But from=20 that time till now the power of God in numerous ways had guarded = my sinful=20 soul and my humble body. When I only reflect on the evils from = which Our=20 Lord has delivered me I have imperishable food for hope of = salvation. I am=20 fed and clothed by the all-powerful Word of God, the Lord of all. = For it=20 is not by bread alone that man lives. And those who have stripped = off the=20 rags of sin have no refuge, hiding themselves in the clefts of the = rocks=20 (Job 24; Heb 11.38)."

Hearing that she cited words of Scripture, from Moses and Job, = Zosimas=20 asked her:

"And so you have read the psalms and other books?"

She smiled at this and said to the elder:

"Believe be, I have not seen a human face ever since I = crossed the=20 Jordan, except yours today. I have not seen a beast or a living = being ever=20 since I came into the desert. I never learned from books. I have = never=20 even heard anyone who sang and read from them. But the word of God = which=20 is alive and active, by itself teaches a man knowledge. And so = this is the=20 end of my tale. But, as I asked you in the beginning, so even now = I=20 implore you for the sake of the Incarnate word of God, to pray to = the Lord=20 for me who am such a sinner."

Thus concluding here tale she bowed down before him. And with = tears the=20 elder exclaimed:

"Blessed is God Who creates the great and wondrous, the = glorious and=20 marvellous without end. Blessed is God Who has shown me how He = rewards=20 those who fear Him. Truly, O Lord, Thou dost not forsake those who = seek=20 Thee!"

And the woman, not allowing the elder to bow down before her, = said:=20

"I beg you, holy father, for the sake of Jesus Christ our = God and=20 Savior, tell no one what you have heard, until God delivers me of = this=20 earth. And now depart in peace and again next year you shall see = me, and I=20 you, if God will preserve us in His great mercy. But for God's = sake, do as=20 I ask you. Next year during Lent do not cross the Jordan, as is = your=20 custom in the monastery."

Zosimas was amazed to hear that she know the rules of the = monastery and=20 could only say:

"Glory to God Who bestows great gifts on those who love = Him."=20

She continued:

"Remain, Abba, in the monastery. And even if you wish to = depart, you=20 will not be to do so. And at sunset of the holy day of the Last = super, put=20 some of the lifegiving Body and Blood of Christ into a holy vessel = worthy=20 to hold such Mysteries for me, and bring it. And wait for me on = the banks=20 of the Jordan adjoining the inhabited parts of the land, so that I = can=20 come and partake of the lifegiving Gifts. For, since the time I=20 communicated in the temple of the Forerunner before crossing the = Jordan=20 even to this day I have not approached the Holy Mysteries. And I = thirst=20 for them with irrepressible love and longing. And therefore I ask = and=20 implore you to grant me my wish, bring me the lifegiving Mysteries = at the=20 very hour when Our Lord made His disciples partake of His Divine = Supper.=20 Tell John the Abbot of the monastery where you live. Look to = yourself and=20 to your brothers, for there is much that needs correction. Only do = not say=20 this now, but when God guides you. Pray for me!"

With these words she vanished in the depths of the desert. And = Zosimas,=20 falling down on his knees and bowing down to the ground on which = she had=20 stood, sent up glory and thanks to God. And, after wandering = thorough the=20 desert, he returned to the monastery on the day all the brothers = returned.=20

For the whole year he kept silent, not daring to tell anyone of = what he=20 had seen. But he prayed to God to give him another chance of = seeing the=20 ascetic's dear face. And when at length the first Sunday of the = Great Fast=20 came, all went out into the desert with the customary prayers and = the=20 singing of psalms. Only Zosimas was held back by illness -- he lay = in a=20 fever. And then he remembered what the saint had said to him: = "and even=20 if you wish to depart, you will not be able to do so."

Many days passed and at last recovering from his illness he = remained in=20 the monastery. And when attain the monks returned and the day of = the Last=20 Supper dawned, he did as he had been ordered, and placing some of = the most=20 pure Body and Blood into a small chalice and putting some figs and = dates=20 and lentils soaked in water into a small basket, he departed for = the=20 desert and reached the banks of the Jordan and sat down to wait = for the=20 saint. He waited for a long while and then began to doubt. Then, = raising=20 his eyes to heaven, he began to pray:

"Grant me, O Lord, to behold that which Thou hast allowed me = to=20 behold once. Do not let me depart in vain, being the burden of my=20 sins."

And then another thought struck him:

"And what if she does come? There is no boat; how will she = cross the=20 Jordan to come to me who am so unworthy?"

And as he was pondering thus he saw the holy woman appear and = stand on=20 the other side of the river. Zosimas got up rejoicing and = glorifying and=20 thanking God. And again the thought came to him that she could not = cross=20 the Jordan. Then he saw that she made the sign of the Cross over = the=20 waters of the Jordan (and the night was a moonlight one, as he = related=20 afterwards) and then she at once stepped on to the waters and = began=20 walking across the surface towards him. And when he wanted to = prostrate=20 himself, she cried to him while still walking on the water:

"What are you doing, Abba, you are a priest and carrying the = divine=20 Gifts!"

He obeyed her and on reaching the shore she said to the elder: =

"Bless, father, bless me!"

He answered her trembling, for a state of confusion had = overcome him at=20 the sight of the miracle:

"Truly God did not lie when He promised that when we purify=20 ourselves we shall be like Him. Glory to Thee, Christ our God, Who = has=20 shown me through this Thy slave how far away I stand from = perfection."=20

Here the woman asked him to say the Creed and Our Father. He = began, she=20 finished the prayer and according to the custom of that time gave = him the=20 kiss of peace on the lips. Having partaken of the Holy Mysteries, = she=20 raised her hands to heaven and sighed with tears in her eyes, = exclaiming:=20

"Now lettest Thou Thy servant depart in peace, O Lord, = according to=20 Thy word; for my eyes have seen Thy salvation."

Then she said to the elder:

"Forgive me, Abba, for asking you, but fulfil another wish = of mine.=20 Go now to the monastery and let God's grace guard you, and next = year come=20 again to the same place where I first met you. Come for God's = sake, for=20 you shall again see me, for such is the will of God."

He said to her:

"From this day on I would like to follow you and always see = your=20 holy face. But now fulfil the one and only wish of an old man and = take a=20 little of the food I have brought for you."

And he showed her the basket, while she just touched the = lentils with=20 the tips of her fingers, and taking three grains said that the = Holy spirit=20 guards the substance of the soul unpolluted. Then she said:

"Pray, for God's sake pray for me and remember a miserable=20 wretch."

Touching the saint's feet and asking for her prayers for the = Church,=20 the kingdom and himself, he let her depart with tears, while he = went off=20 sighing and sorrowful, for he could not hope to vanquish the = invincible.=20 Meanwhile she again made the sign of the Cross over the Jordan, = and=20 stepped on to the waters and crossed over as before. And the elder = returned filled with joy and terror, accusing himself of not = having asked=20 the saint her name. But he decided to do so next year.

And when another year had passed, he again went into the = desert. He=20 reached the same spot but could see no sign of anyone. So, raising = his=20 eyes to heaven as before, he prayed:

"Show me, O Lord, Thy pure treasure, which Thou hast = concealed in=20 the desert. Show me, I pray Thee, the angel in the flesh, of which = the=20 world is not worthy."

Then on the opposite bank of the river, her face turned towards = the=20 rising sun, he saw the saint lying dead. Her hands were crossed = according=20 to custom and her face was turned to the East. Running up he shed = tears=20 over the saint's feet and kissed them, not daring to touch = anything else.=20

For a long time he wept. Then reciting the appointed psalms, he = said=20 the burial prayers and thought to himself: "Must I bury the = body of a=20 saint? Or will this be contrary to her wishes?" And then he = saw words=20 traced on the ground by her head:

"Abba Zosimas, bury on this spot the body of humble Mary. = Return to=20 dust that which is dust and pray to the Lord for me, who departed = in the=20 month of Fermoutin of Egypt, called April by the Romans, on the = first day,=20 on the very night of our Lord's Passion, after having partaken of = the=20 Divine Mysteries." [St. Mary died in AD 522]

Reading this the elder was glad to know the saint's name. He = understood=20 too that as soon as she had partaken of the Divine Mysteries on = the shore=20 of the Jordan she was at once transported to the place where she = died. The=20 distance which Zosimas had taken twenty days to cover, Mary had = evidently=20 traversed in an hour and had at once surrendered her soul to God. =

Then Zosimas thought: "It is time to do as she wished. But = how am I=20 to dig a grave with nothing in my hands?"

=20

A lion aids Zosimas in the burial of the=20 saint

And then he saw nearby a small piece of wood left by some = traveller in=20 the desert. Picking it up he began to dig the ground. But the = earth was=20 hard and dry and did not yield to the efforts of the elder. He = grew tired=20 and covered with sweat. He sighed from the depths of his soul and = lifting=20 up his eyes he saw a big lion standing close to the saint's body = and=20 licking her feet. At the sight of the lion he trembled with fear,=20 especially when he called to mind Mary's words that she had never = seen=20 wild beasts in the desert. But guarding himself with the sign of = the=20 cross, the thought came to him that the power of the one lying = there would=20 protect him and keep him unharmed. Meanwhile the lion drew nearer = to him,=20 expressing affection by every movement.

Zosimas said to the lion:

"The Great One ordered that her body was to be buried. But I = am old=20 and have not the strength to dig the grave, for I have no spade = and it=20 would take too long to go and get one. So can you carry out the = work with=20 your claws? Then we can commit to the earth the mortal temple of = the=20 saint."

While he was still speaking the lion with his front paws began = to dig a=20 hole deep enough to bury the body.

Again the elder washed the feet of the saint with his tears and = calling=20 on her to pray for all, covered the body with earth in the = presence of the=20 lion. It was as it had been, naked and uncovered by anything but = the=20 tattered cloak which had been given to her by Zosimas and with = which Mary,=20 turning away, had managed to cover part of her body. Then both = departed.=20 The lion went off into the depth of the desert like a lamb, while = Zosimas=20 returned to the monastery glorifying and blessing Christ our Lord. = And on=20 reaching the monastery he told all the brothers about everything, = and all=20 marvelled on hearing of God's miracles. And with fear and love = they kept=20 the memory of the saint.

Abbot John, as St. Mary had previously told Abba Zosimas, found = a=20 number of things wrong in the monastery and got rid of them with = God's=20 help. And Saint Zosimas died in the same monastery, almost = attaining the=20 age of a hundred, and passed to eternal life. The monks kept this = story=20 without writing it down and passed it on by word of mouth to one = another.=20

But I (adds Sophronius) as soon as I heard it, wrote it down. = Perhaps=20 someone else, better informed, has already written the life of the = Saint,=20 but as far as I could, I have recorded everything, putting truth = above all=20 else. May God Who works amazing miracles and generously bestows = gifts on=20 those who turn to Him with faith, reward those who seek light for=20 themselves in this story, who hear, read and are zealous to write = it, and=20 may He grant them the lot of blessed Mary together with all who at = different times have pleased God by their pious thoughts and = labours.

And let us also give glory to God, the eternal King, that He = may grant=20 us too His mercy in the day of judgment for the sake of Jesus = Christ our=20 Lord, to Whom belongs all glory, honour, dominion and adoration = with the=20 Eternal Father and the Most Holy and Life-giving Spirit, now and = always,=20 and throughout all ages. Amen.

The End, and Glory Be to God!

From The Great Canon, the Work of Saint Andrew of = Crete,=20 Holy Trinity Monastery, Jordanville, NY, USA. This version of the = text is=20 drawn from the Internet Medieval Source Book, with minor=20 typographical corrections by the Monachos.net editor. =

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